Since March 2004. This is kind of a farewell note, seeing as this blog only brings me bad memories. I won’t delete it though, I’ll just leave it to fade away by itself. I am no longer the person i was when I started it, and its only fair that I move on.
Its even embarissing to see what I wrote in my first notes. I can’t believe I was so stupid xDD’ I mean, if I liked someone why would I post a note about it/him on my blog that anyone could read? Anyway, yeah. Im 20 now, nad its been 7 years since I’ve first wrote on this blog. I was so shy that I can’t even start to describe it. There were people in my class that I never spoke to. A mere ‚hi’ to someone in a corridor made me so frightened or excited once I finally was able to say it. To be honest, when I look back, I can’t even remember how it was when I was young. I mean, i remember what I thought and I feel that I controlled myself when I was like 16 or something, but before that it seems like I’m looking on someone’s elses past. Like I didnt control it and had no influence in what I did. If I could change time and be the person I am now, I’m sure my life would turn out differently. I would have more friends and not give a fuck if they say im weird and stupid because I’m different. How pathetic. Im different. LOL! Clearly retarded ex-friends. You are suppose to be different in your life. You’re not stuppose to copy others forever. So I guess it was just jealously. Jealously that I had the courage to be different and not hide it, like they did. And then blaming me for ppl in our class for not talking to us. Seriously. I don’t think it was me. After they ‚left’ me, nothing changed. They were still retards in the class. Of course they managed to make me look like a fucking asshole who tried to brake their friendship. The fuck? I never even thought about such a thing. I am a person who would rather sacrifise something from my life to make someone’s better. Like my sister. Im glad she has a boyfriend and I do complain sometimes that she doesn’t spend time with me, but thats so much better than if I was to have her all to myself.
Then I was accussed of trying to steal someone’s boyfriend. Wtf? It was him who asked me if he can kiss me, which i didnt allow. I said it would be nice to meet after I returned for summer after 2 years in India, because we kinda only got to know each other a little before I left. But he wouldnt because his girldfriend was so fucking strict. Fucking bitch said I was trying to steal him and that she read all our conversations and I was flirting with him. LOL. I can’t flirt. I think everyone who knows me knows that. I can’t and I never would try to steal someone’s boyfriend, because thats something I’d expect from every girl. I wouldnt want someone to steal my love and so I dont do that to others. Simple as that. But the fucking bitch was fucking paranoied and retarded, and I seriously thing there’s something wrong with her.
So, I chaned even further in my last two years in India. I must say, even though I felt lonely and closed in the embassy, I think I would have killed myself in Warsaw. First of all, the school system sucks and I would constantly fail. Secondly, the people are so closeminded it fucking hurts. Bunch of idiots. Well most of them, cause there are a few that are great. So there I was, hoping I would be accepted to a UK uni. And thank god I was. University of Aberdeen made me change even more. Now I am totally ok with talking to strangers, and with guys xD Before, as I said, I would not say a word to most of them. Now, I have no problem. I even have male friends who kiss me (not on the lips xP) and danced with me in a funny/weird way. So I am not retared and the fact Im different probably makes me better. I am different than my friends, thats sure, but I still go well with them. Recently I had some problems with them, because they would party when I was busy but today changed my world. It made my day and probably rest of the semester. I finally feel they care.
So, as a closing note, I should probably say a few fuck you sentences to all the closed minded asholes who consider themselves to be superior.
Fuckers number one and two – I forgive you for being suck losers, and as I sent a message to one of you, I didnt read your reply cause I dont give a fuck about what you have to say. So fuck you both, know you were WRONG and it was you who ended up looking like lunatics with no heart.
Fuckers number fours and five – GET A LIFE! Not everyone want to steal your boyfriends. And if I was a guy and my girlfriend was to fucking protective, I would not support her but tell her she’s a retarded monkey with no brains who’s so fucking close to her nature she’s gonna defend her mating privilages. Ha, fuck you.
To everyone who supported me in my life, thanks. Special thanks to Kaja, who is still the closest person in the world I have. It would be now like… well, more than a decade. Thanks. I love you. And although you probably won’t read this, thanks with all my heart for letting me be who I am.
So fuck you assholes. You know who you are. I hope I will haunt you forever.

PS. TODAY EXCLUSIVE, translation of the conversation with a retard.
Retard: hi
Me: hi
Retard: whats up?
Me: everything ok
Retard: ah
Retard: sorry but this is the end, one more time sorry
Me: end of what?
Retard: our friendship
Me: why, explain to me at least
Retard: why does no-one in our class talk to us?
Me: you said it was because Ewelina was with us
Retard: you’re different and you have to understand that
(…)
Retard: no one is so weird as you and a little stupid

Oh god bless you fucker. I will forever remember you as a total douche.